Ryan Fiore
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I’m writing this for all the people out there who are feeling alone tonight, for everyone who are maybe thinking about ending their life.
Let me first share my experience.
In December 2013, I started to have anxiety and depression about the future, thinking there was nothing for me. I had no trust in God, even though I believed in Him and still do.
I barely ate and when I did, I would throw up from the anxious feeling. Other times, I’d throw up from having medication on an empty stomach.
Eventually, I was prescribed medication and my anxiety and depression went away and I was whole again.
I shared in a similar post about my anxiety that in the Summer of 2014 came around and I accidentally missed my meds for 3 days and my anxiety came back. It caused a change in me, a not so good one. I didn’t value life. I basically would lay on the couch and mope, wondering why I’m even here. I didn’t want to live anymore. So many days I would contemplate suicide. I never thought I’d be okay again. I kept saying to myself day after day, “You won’t be here tomorrow.” I never actually attempted suicide, but it ran through my mind constantly. I even went down to Western Psych down in Pittsburgh, however was not admitted.
A few weeks went by and the medicine kicked in again. I was back to my whole self again. I started to realize I have things to live for.
I didn’t want to do anything for those two weeks. But somehow I managed to fit music into my schedule of moping and not valuing life. I listened to Invisible by Hunter Hayes a lot. It said a lot about me and what I was going through. I like to think that song saved my life.
You see, the thing about anxiety and depression is that it tells you you’re not good enough when you in fact are. It breaks you and tears you apart and give you impure thoughts about yourself.
It’s Satan. It’s Satan tempting you to be someone else. It’s like this peer pressure to be someone you’re not, only the pressure is to be a sad, broken person, when that’s not what you are.
And it will eat at you if you let it.
Do what you have to.
Take meds.
See a therapist or psychiatrist.
But please, don’t kill yourself or hurt yourself.
I promise you it’s not worth it.
Please. If you’re reading this, please know that you are worth it.
I had a friend recently reach out to me and say she wanted to end her life due to a breakup she was very invested in.
It breaks my heart because I know that is not the true her. The true her is the person I saw on Sunday; the person I was laughing with and goofing around with.
This is not her. This sad person is not her.
When I look back at all the journal posts I wrote down when I had anxiety, I can’t help but think, “This doesn’t sound like me.”
That’s because it wasn’t.
If you find yourself at the breaking point, call somebody. Whoever. Family, friends, the police. ANYONE.
Taking your life isn’t worth it.
There is a reason you’re going through what you’re going through.
This is just a trial in your life that you will get through. You’ll look back someday and say, “Hey I got through that. It wasn’t easy, but I did.”
I can’t thank myself enough for not taking my life. I look at all the things I would’ve missed. 4 of my cousins are getting married in the next two years. A lot of people I know are having children. I’m getting to see my favorite band in concert.
If you want to end it because you think you won’t have a good future, by killing yourself you’re denying yourself a future to begin with. You have a shot.
Someone out there loves you. Your family loves you. Your friends love you.
Don’t do it.
You are worth so much more those demons in your head.
You have a God given right to your own happiness.
Life might be a nightmare now, but one day, you will wake up and it will be a dream.
-National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1 800 273 8255
-SuicidePreventionLifeline.Org
-List of Suicide Crisis Lines: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines