If you didn’t read Part 1 of this post from last week, go check that out and then come back here if you like to read things in order 😉
But just in case you didn’t read Part 1, last week I started writing about things we should look for in a future spouse. And that post started getting really long, so I decided to cut it short and continue today. So hey there!
I’m just going to jump right in, the person that you’re thinking you’re going to spend the rest of you’re life with should have or be striving to have these qualities
“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching (Hebrews 10:24-25 NIV).”
If you’re dating someone or you like someone and all they do is tear you down, you should probably say goodbye. Now at the same time, think about if you’re tearing them down as well. Don’t use that as an excuse to stay with them, because if you’re both extremely discouraging to one another, that’s not good and you know it. However, you do need to be able to reflect on what you’re doing to be able to grow and learn from your mistakes.
#5: Fear of God
Hebrews 10:25-26 addresses that we should all have a healthy fear of God and the fact that one day we all will stand before Him and be judged. Someday we all must account for everything we have done, and if you have not trusted Jesus as your Lord and Savior to be the one to take your place on judgement day, my heart aches for you.
In the same way, if you are a Christian, your heart should ache for those who do not know Jesus. Yet at the same time, you should not marry someone in an attempt to convert them. That can only do more harm than good.
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14 NIV)
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace” (Ephesians 4:23 NIV).
To be a Christian and prideful is a complete oxymoron. Pride is putting your trust in what you can do on your own and Christianity is putting your trust in Christ alone. How opposite are those two things? As followers of Christ we should be modestly aware of our own abilities and strengths and focused more on Christ.
Humility is an attractive quality. Arrogance is a not.
But because pride has been encouraged so much in our culture, I think we have skewed the true definition of humility. Humility is a choice; an action that we take. Jesus was humble because He chose to be humble not because He was forced to be.
Take two different people working in two different positions: CEO and intern. Does their position make determine whether they are prideful or humble? No. The CEO could be the humble one and the intern could be the most prideful person you ever meet in your life.
We must choose to walk a life of humility, and we should look for a future spouse who does the same. Why? First and foremost, Jesus lived humbly and we are to follow His example. Second, we are told directly to be completely humble.
I think this one speaks for itself, but to enter a relationship or potentially marriage with someone who is not gentle is dangerous. This goes for in the way they speak as well as the way they act. Not only for yourself, here, but if you plan on having children in the future. (You have to think about the way this person speaks and acts around other people!)
Patience, people! How do they handle little things? Or the big things? What is their response—is it to trust in the one who holds their future or is to just fold up under the pressure?
Are they forgiving? Do they get over an argument quickly or do they hold on to stupid little things?
#10: Your Goals Align
Also a no-brainer. If he/she wants to move to the other side of the country and your roots are planted right where you’re at, I think you may have a problem. At the same time, that’s something that can be figured out. You just have to figure out what is worth compromising on for you and what is not. Things that I wouldn’t recommend compromising on–
- Faith: “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14 NIV) Without being judgmental, if there is no evidence of any of these qualities developing in their lives, you might have to ask yourself if they are really following Christ.
- Career Goals (Don’t be willing to settle for someone that wants you to put aside what God has called you to do for them.)
- Family & Kids (If they prioritize their family on a significantly different level than you do, how is that going to play out long-term? Also, you need to know if you’re on the same page about wanting kids and when.
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